Advice For Handling The Holidays With Family

Enjoy your friends and family this holiday season.  Many people have told me that they don’t want to spend any time with difficult family members during the holidays.  It’s important to understand that avoidance isn’t a healthy option.  When we avoid family members this indicates that we also avoid other things and people in our lives and within ourselves that need our attention.  Balance and rationalism are paramount.  We can’t change other people but we can change our reactions to the behavior of others.  When you visit family members remember to limit your time so as not to wear out your welcome.  In these situations less is better than more.  Don’t allow yourself to be pulled into conflict.  Remember, it takes two willing participants to have an argument.  In order to remain calm when provoked it’s important to focus on the behavior or words you have issue with and not on attacking the other person.  Following one illogical behavior with another never results in a good outcome.  After spending minimal but quality time with family and relatives (even difficult ones) get together with close friends who love and support you.  Let the people you care about know how much they mean to you.  I wish you and yours a fantastic New Year!

Giving Unconditionally Equals Receiving Abundantly

When we give to others without expecting anything in return we show that we believe we deserve to be treated the same way.  This behavior shows that we understand how valuable and worthy of good treatment we and others are.  When we remove limitations from our lives we lay the foundation for receiving an abundance of goodness and prosperity.  

How To Successfully Transition From Co-dependence To Independence

Co-dependence arises when both partners in a relationship feel incomplete and seek someone else to make them whole. Unfortunately, two incomplete people aren’t able to produce a couple of complete and psychologically healthy individuals.

It’s important to address feelings of inadequacy that are stored in the subconscious mind. Everyone is equal and capable of handling any situation in life. Healthy relationships are about sharing and not about taking.

Inter-dependence allows us to be independent yet humble. Our very existence depends on the labor of other people like farmers, construction workers, etc.

Maintaining healthy boundaries is key to being independent. What are healthy boundaries? We must understand where we end and another person begins. Our boundaries consist of the 3 feet of space that encircles us as well as our right to speak our truth, our right to be treated with dignity and respect. We must, in turn, respect and honor the boundaries of others. Life isn’t about who has all the power but, rather, is about existing in harmony with those around us.


Why Do Partners In A Committed Relationship Cheat?

How To Improve Self-Image In Order To Improve Your Relationships

Self-image is the lens through which we view those around us.  Self-image is stored in the limbic system of the brain and is projected at the subliminal level as a means to decide how we will treat our fellows.  When we are nice, thoughtful, and loving to another person we demonstrate that we know how to love and care for ourselves at a high level.

People who are nice to some people and not to others demonstrate that they put conditions on the way the feel about themselves.  It’s very important to understand that our self-worth doesn’t come from the things we have, our job titles, or the people we know.  If we are able to forgive ourselves and let go of past mistakes we will also be able to do the same with other people.  Unconditional love towards oneself is crucial to living a happy life.  When I mention loving ones self I’m not talking about narcissism.  Loving ones self means that we have a balanced view of ourselves in relation to others.  It’s illogical to believe that we are either superior or inferior to our fellows.  Understanding that we are all equal will enable a person to set goals, let go of unrealistic fears, and accomplish worthwhile objectives.

A healthy and balanced self-image is the key to getting along with others and enjoying a life of tranquility, happiness, and prosperity. 


How To Speak To Anyone About Anything

Communication is a fine art that few people have mastered.  It takes great skill to be able to talk to anyone about anything.  Many people avoid certain topics hoping that the issue in question will just go away.  Unfortunately, avoidance only makes things worse. Talking about a problem as soon as it occurs leads to the most favorable outcome.  If you are afraid to bring up a certain topic take several deep breaths, stretch, and ask yourself the following questions:

Is my fear based on any empirical evidence?  Is my fear based upon childhood feelings of inequality towards authority figures, people of a higher socio-economic status, or members of a different race?

It’s important to understand that you are equal to all of your fellows.  You deserve to be listened to and to voice any valid concerns you have.  Good communication is the cornerstone of a healthy, happy, and mutually beneficial relationship.  You have the right to speak your truth in an assertive (as opposed to aggressive) manner.  Own your own feelings and keep your focus on the behavior/words of concern rather than on the person you must speak to.

Focus on your feelings and describe the incident without blaming anyone in order  increase the probability of a successful resolution.  This approach will keep the other person from getting defensive and shutting you out.